Obliged

I no longer want to give in anymore effort to be rubbing like a rock with you until we turn into diamonds. Spending too much efforts and emotions into this that it seems useless no matter what I do. You and your strange idea you have of a family. Honestly if you feel so obliged then why make the trouble to agree?

On the other hand, I should take the courage of submitted my desire to God. Well, don't I want to know the answer? But then again if it's the answer that I don't wish to get......?

Good night hazy night.

Values

Everyone lives by a certain code of values they have gotten and in-built since young or through past experiences they've been through. Here are mine:

1. Trust and Obey

Not referring to everyone but referring to the one and only Heavenly Father. Trust onto him and He will guide me throughout my life. 

2. Have courage, take Faith

Rather similar to the first one, take the step of courage to continue keeping that faith in Him, through good time and especially through bad times. 

3. Never stay angry with anyone past mid-night (不可含怒到日落）

I am just unable to sleep if I've yet to make peace with myself regarding something or someone that's I'm angry with. Best to make peace even with the person involved or at least with self to sleep without and negative emotions, and make peace with the person the next available chance.

4. Always give people the benefit of doubt

Many things are not the way it seems, there's always a part of the story that I won't know. And If theres anything I'm not sure about, ask, never assume. If unable to ask, give the benefit of doubt. 

5. Never judge

For we are sinners ourselves, what right do we have to judge others? Even if anyone have done anything bad against us known or unknown, continue doing what is right in the eyes of the Lord. He will seek justice on my behalf and make right my reputation in time. So that I would not have done anything wrong, and the bad party would have to live in guilt of the wrong they have done against/towards me. 

6. Rather to keep peace than make right myself

Forgiving some one doesn't mean that I am admitting that I'm wrong, but it's to let myself be at peace. What's so good about making myself right than keeping the relation healthy? Not in the sense of bottling up myself about unhappy things and not express any negative emotions, but it's more because I value the relation more than I value my ego.

7. Pull myself out of emotions filled situations

Adding on to the previous "value", I'll always try to pull myself out of the heated emotional situation and not give any emotion-driven response to prevent any situation where hurtful response is given. Calm myself down first and approach the situation when all parties involved have returned to their sound mind and voice out any disagreements maturely.

8. Do not do onto others what you do not want others to do onto you

A very simple logic, never do what you won't like to receive. Both as a service provider, and a human. 

9. Do not question why others don't change, but question why not me first?

It's always the question why me. But then, why not the question, "Why not me?". Don't live such a self-centred life.

10. Love others, like how I've been loved by my Heavenly Father. 

What better response to the Love I've received than live it out onto others too, so they will experience a glimpse of how great the greatest Love of all will be.

Ten values that I live by, very much religion influenced. But past experiences have proven me so to.

How Much is Too Much?

Things have not been going very smoothly and here are some question that I've been thinking about lately.

How much is considered giving myself too much to others? Both work and personal aspect. The time and effort I give in, is it even worth it? It's a difficult question to answer and I've yet to get a solid conclusion about it. But what I've learned is that once giving no longer comes with willingness, it's time to reconsider the reason for giving and why have I become so unwilling.

Also thinking about my own character, which is also largely self explanatory from my Chinese name, that's the reason why I would again and again despite being under appreciated or brush off, I still give my care and concern, time and effort. I'll almost never stop giving excuses for others to myself for the misbehaviour they have towards me. Maybe this is what God means of loving those unlovable ones.

Yes, it's definitely not easy. But with the love I have already experienced and experiencing everyday from God, I feel that I should give it the same as how He have given unto me. Following by a reminder from a friend that keeps me going on now:

「愛是恆久忍耐，又有恩慈；愛是不忌妒；愛是不自誇，不張狂，不做害羞的事，不求自己的益處，不輕易發怒，不計算人的惡，不喜歡不義，只喜歡真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐。

如今常存的有信，有望，有愛這三樣，其中最大的是愛」

哥林多前書 13: 4-7，13

因為我是純愛，給予的愛也該如此。

Pride

Human pride is the source of all downfall.

Prideful even towards the God who gave you your very life. Who seeks nothing more from you that to have a close relation with you. Yet your pride had to come in the way of His great love for you. Such lonely human, so deprived of love, yet still holding a strong front as if nothing's wrong.

Pride made you build walls around yourself, not willing to let anyone see your weakness or your past mistakes. Like a porcupine, fending off everyone even those who are genuine to you, who wants to help you out of your darkness.

Doesn't matter if your darkness is too much for another to handle. What matters is you're not facing it alone. Why can't you just let your pride down and let people in to help you, or at least let God's love fill you.

Pride. It's all that you've got. Pointless energy spent on building that.

It's not helping at all

You and your warped minded thinking will get you no where better on your human relations skills. Your replies are still full of "I", "I'm sure", "Pretty sure to me". What you going to get from me is nothing in return. It'll just make me build up more walls against you. It's not helping at all.

Things have not been going pretty smooth for me as expected. Ever since the blind courage of me that made that prayer and gotten my answer right the next day. It scares me. Your replies are making it harder for everything to carry on. I don't know what to do with you any more.

And extra work load came just at the right time, the month end when I have the most things to handle. This is horrible. A very bad day indeed today.

Rekindle

The biannual church camp is over in a flash and I've gain a little bit more experience of how the camp is being run. Never will there be any one camp that goes exactly accordingly as planned. Various factor affecting to last minute changes and we have to make things go with the flow and keep every one happy.

So much decision and pre-planning involved. Thought I'm just in the advance party, but still it's little steps to being involved more. Sign-on Camp Committee that what some say of me. But why not? Thanks to the huge gap of lost members between us and the slightly younger older adults, we are forced to slowly take up more and more responsibilities.

Well, everything is in God's time. Now I know why it happened.

On a lighter note, definitely enjoyed the camp with my batch mates. Not so much time spent with the family cause I was committed to the camp instead of family. Sorry my dearest beautiful sister who thought she could have more time with me. But you know, your adorable younger sister is a sign-on camp committee. Ha!

Growing Up

This have been quite the eventful week since parents went for their re-honeymoon trip. Things that's been happening forces me to grow up and take more responsibilities. 

First of all not that I'm unable to handle, but it's just that I rather to have someone to rely on, either a man or parents. Otherwise handling all these makes me feel that I'm too capably independent that no man would like such independent girl. Ha.

On a happier note, finally got praise doing an excellent job at work. Not on shift work but all my paper work. Everyone see the change for the better in me, in short being everyone's PA. No I'm not being ill treated. Rather, I feel blessed and thankful for these chances given to me to learn how to handle many things on my plate, all urgently seeking my attention. Thank God for the strength from Him that even I myself am surprised that everything have been done smoothly and handled adequately. 

Feeling so much love from this lovely bunch of friends I'm working with. Learning from each others' mistakes and taking in their advices - I've grown to be who I am now. Everyone's PA. 

#CAtaiwanderfulreavels

An awesome 7 days well spent with the family. 

So many first time experiences beginning with it being the first time I'm visiting Taiwan. Other than that, another major milestone was that I paid most of the expenses for this whole trip. Managed the time and money well which I can tell it made Dad proud. 

So am I proud of myself, being able to lead the family on the daily schedule, managing to find our way to places be it the first time I've been to Taiwan. I think I did a great job and I thank God for it. Work have made me grown up and things have made me matured to grow to who I am now.

Slight disappointment due to the whole day of rain on the first day where we went to Jiu Fen. Because of the rain and cloudiness, we weren't able to enjoy the what's said to be breath taking sceneries. On the happy note, found out the shop that sells the Buttery Biscuit that I can't name for friends to but for me. But now I know!

Also on this trip, it was my first time I enjoyed beer over dinner with Dad. Not sure if he truly understand how much that mean to me. Have always longed for such moments to be shared with him. 

Other than that, visited the Taipei Zoo which allowed myself to affirm how proud I am to be a Singaporean. Zoo was a big disappointment and left feeling sad. Animals and environment were not well kept at all, witness other tourist throwing stones to wake animal up but there were extreme lack of zoo keeper to ensure no harm was done to animals. 

Of course not forgetting most of the time spent on shopping and enjoying local food. That I must say was no disappointment at all. Got to say their beer soup in general were far better than any beef soup I've ever tried back at home. 

Summed up this whole trip as a wonderful experience and I would be back for more of Taiwan but to experience the out skirts of the country. 

Barista Milestone

Coffee is a language by itself

Every single cup consists a part of each barista's emotions . Never will there ever be an identical cup from 2 different person. The drinker knows so.

1 years 4 months since the day I pulled my first cup of coffee. Had difficult finding my confidence in this especially when the others around me learn this art and improved at such great speed, far out growing me. But then it has to be kept in mind that I didn't had the luxury to have any one on one sessions trainings and didn't had the privilege to focus just on coffee for any one shift. Was always in a role of double up.

On a happy not, which this is suppose to be, set not one but two completely cleaned out grinder up to standard. Conquered my fear of the Single Origin which has always been the tricky one. Not a pleasant morning I had, small panic attack but got helped along the way. All was well. I managed to manage them both grinders, and this really helped in my confident in coffee making.

Bottom line, thank God for coffee.

Compassion

C O M P A S S I O N 

The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the independence of all beings, which are all part of one another and all involved in one another

Compassion not just a quality expected of Christian, but a quality that everyone should have. Not to be blurred with pity - just knowing the bad situation another. Whereas compassion is not just about understanding and knowing how the other party feel, but it's to a point where a connection is made between both parties, and the one in hurt is receiving emotional healing from the other party. 

Compassion is never an easy quality to act out as it requires much of our time and effort to shower our love for those in need. Its takes up energy and if the wrong person is giving compassion based on their own strength, will soon be sucked dry of their own energy level. 

Compassion will only be unlimited based on strength from God, and Him alone. Always. 

Always be compassionate to other for you do not know when you will be in need of compassion from others.

The Misconception of Christians

I Am a Christian

When I say "I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I'm clean living"

I'm whispering "I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven"

When I say "I'm a Christian"

I'm not trying to be strong

I'm professing I'm weak

And I need His strength to carry on

Once again it was made known to me that people didn't believe at first that I was a Christian, just because I made a sarcastic comment. This made me think, what is this misconception/stereotype that people have on how a Christian should behave and speak.

Does it mean I must be literally truthful and be serious in everything I say? No joke to be made (not those kind of mean jokes of course), no sacarstic comment/answers to be given? It's strange what non-christians have on me but yet it makes me think so much on my own actions and speech. What am I portraying about Christianity to them? Am I being a bad example to them?

Then again, I can argue that I'm still human and human makes mistakes. 

This never ending conclusion-less debate can never strike a balance. People will always find a loop hole to start a topic with it. Imagine if all Christians were to be unable to joke around, then, won't there be saying that we are so not fun, and soon Christians will be shunned. 

So I personally feel, it all boils down to the intention of making such comment. Is it hurting anyone or is it made during an acceptable situation of fun and laughter. Still, no matter what, there will always be some who may misunderstands and take it differently. This is where I should be aware of and watch out of my own actions and speech.

Command to Remember

Maundy Thursday

Maundy = command

1. Serve the world

2. Love one another

3. In all, "Do these in remembrance of Me"

Remember what?

Humans like to remember the dead

How to remember?

Mausoleum, museum, movement. We call it, a sacrament. An outward action to show our inward grace (Holy communion)

When God remembers (he knows the power or remembrance), He performs mighty acts when he remembers. Eg The meaning of the rainbow.

Works of salvation, works of deliverance.

What to remember?

1. "My body given for you"

God is a giver, He never stops giving. 全然的付出和給予。

Giving = for others = thinking for others

- works of piety (for self)

- works of mercy (for others)

2. "My blood of the new covenant shed for you"

-for the remission of sins// Matthew 26:28

We experience the forgiveness of sin, His holy blood cleansed us and we have eternal life.

Remember:

- Forgiven; forever with the blood of Jesus Christ

- Walk in the light; importance of fellowship as we walking in the light to remain cleansed

- Keep short accounts with sin

"REMEMBER ME"

1. Jesus as the giver. Perfect example of what and how God gave. He gave us the best.

-By the gift, God have also removed the worst of humans.

2. Jesus as the Redeemer. When we remember, God remembers.

-When He remembers, He acts; He remembers the promises He had to us. God in our lives delivers us

Good Weird or Bad Weird

You see, society likes to recognise that everyone is unique in their own ways. But for me, I like to phrase it a little differently; Everyone is weird in their own ways, it's just more or less acceptable.

Recently had a conversation with a friend about humans' manipulation nature, intentional or unintentional. Then that made me think and did some search, it boils down to a grey zone discussion of the differences between Influence and Manipulation.

“Influence is the process of getting someone else to want to do, react, think, or believe the way you want them to.”  Source: Chris Hadnagy, Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking.

Manipulation is defined as “exerting devious influence over a person for your own advantage”.

With the clear definition of the 2 almost similar difference (one is a positive term, another a extreme negative term), now comes another question; don't everyone ask ask for help?

As a Christian, I should be living an example for both Christians and Non-christians likewise. Definitely I would choose to influence people with the positive way and not have people around me to do things for my own advantage. To certain extend everyone would ask for help in our daily life from simple things such as pass me a certain item, to things such as prayer for each other in need.

The discussion between a clear definition of influence and manipulation is never ending. But to be sure and what everyone should be reminded of, every action done is ultimately judge by God of the true intention behind, hidden or not, deep down in each of our hearts where God sees it so crystal clear.

There no where to hide, nothing to hide. In front of our Heavenly Father, we are clear as glass, be submissive and humans will always do everything that is pleasing to God, instead of "exerting devious influence over a person for own advantage.

Source:

http://www.social-engineer.org/newsletter/Social-Engineer.Org%20Newsletter%20Vol.%2004%20Iss.%2045.htm